#14: On Sadness

The house is quiet and dark. The window is open, and the breeze is cool on my face. Summer is giving way to fall, and I pull the blanket up to my chin. These nights, when the air is crisp, have always been my favorite for sleeping. But this night my mind is restless, and... Continue Reading →

#13: Listening

I wake up sad lately. I open my eyes and the summer sun is pouring in the windows, and Chris is in the bed next to me. But for the first hour or so after waking, I can't shake the feeling that something bad has just happened to me. I can't find my way out... Continue Reading →

#12: One Year Ago

One year. One year ago today we sat in that small, white room, and an EMG technician whose name and face I can't remember told us he thought Chris had ALS. One year ago today I found out my husband was dying. One year ago today was the worst day of my life. I've often... Continue Reading →

#10 – Life in the Bonus

I didn't know Colby Cave. I don't know his wife or his parents or any of the people who love him. But when I sat down at my kitchen table this morning, opened Twitter and saw that he passed away after suffering a brain bleed earlier this week tears filled my eyes. At the other... Continue Reading →

#9

Two years ago today I had a stroke. I wanted to write something thoughtful about that experience, about all the trauma and tragedy and loss that has come our way in life and about how, even though I had a stroke at 34 years old and not even 18 months later my 37-year-old husband was... Continue Reading →

#8 – When you aren’t with me.

This last month has been a lot. A lot of traveling, organizing care for the kids, asking for help (which doesn’t seem to get easier). A lot of emotional energy. In four weeks we've flown to and from Toronto three times. I am beyond grateful. I’m also tired. On top of the increased trips to... Continue Reading →

#7

Yesterday you told me you are having trouble getting into the book you're reading. I told you I'm having trouble getting into my own head. It's not a comfortable place to be most of the time, so lately I've been filling it with distractions and busy-ness and anything other than the thoughts constantly streaming through... Continue Reading →

#6

📷: @VartyCameraEight months ago I sat next to Chris on a plane and watched him sleep. I studied his face and his eyelashes, I held his hand and looped my arm around his. I touched his thick, black hair. I cried. I thought about how I would never get to see his black hair turn... Continue Reading →

#5

Chris is doing really well, the last few months especially. He feels positive and grateful. He smiles and laughs easily. As the entire country could see during Hockey Night in Canada After Hours, he is inspiring.  And when he feels positive I do, too. Mostly. Early on I was drowning in grief and sadness and... Continue Reading →

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