#27: Where the Light is
Here is what happens in the darkness – things get lost, go unseen, disappear from sight and so, too, from mind. The last many months have been turbulent for me, taxing in ways that are hard to grasp when you are trying to stay anchored during a storm. I have been worn down and worn thin by this life, weary of Chris’ disease and this pandemic and, somehow, desperately lonely despite the love within my…
#26: Darkness
The world is a dark place these days. Metaphorically, yes, but literally, too. I wake up in the dark. I make breakfast and pack lunches in the dark. I drink my morning coffee in the dark. The world resists waking, the sun resists rising, my spirit resists moving forward. Every bit of me wants to stay rooted right here, in my spot, with my book, in my cozy house, wrapped in this strange cocoon of…
#25: Holding On
Early in the summer I dreamt my son was dying. My perfect, beautiful boy. I was helpless, aware even in my subconscious that this was too much. My own desperation jolted me awake. I opened my eyes and heard myself saying, “I cannot do this.” I blinked and looked around the dark room. My heart was pounding, my breath shallow and fast. “It’s ok,” I told myself. “It was a dream. He’s ok. He’s not…
#24: 40
Dear Chris, Today you are 40 years old. Two years ago I didn’t know if we’d make it to this day. If we did, I thought with certainty, life would look so different for us, full of wheelchairs and breathing machines and all sorts of medical devices keeping you alive. But here you are today, at your favorite place in the world, driving the boat and diving off the dock, throwing footballs to the kids…
#23: For Dad
In this week’s episode of Sorry, I’m Sad I talked with Kate Fagan about her book, All the Colors Came Out, which is about the relationship between a father and a daughter. Kate’s book resonated with me on so many levels, but since it’s Father’s Day, it really made me think about my dad. My dad is a retired farmer, and I’m the youngest of three girls. He was and is everything a “girl dad”…
#22: Searching for Myself
Yesterday morning I sat in the sliver of sun that streams into one corner of my living room. I wanted to read, drink my coffee, feel the warmth on my face. I wanted to take deep breaths and center myself for the day ahead. I wanted time and space to still my busy mind, so I sat down, pulled a blanket over my legs, took a sip of my coffee, opened my book, exhaled and…
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